What a journey parenting is! I vaguely remember the years before we had children, but there were only about three of them, which is in the neighborhood of 10% of the time we have been married. The 90% is what really stands out, with its many different seasons.
Early years of birthing babies and breast feeding and so many diapers. Being overwhelmed by how much love my heart could hold and crying because the babies were so amazing and new and I was so clueless and exhausted.
Toddler years of learning to walk and run and climb on the dining table. Picky eaters and potty training and gaining siblings and losing some mommy time. Barbie driving a Tonka bulldozer in her frilly pink nightie, and Superman pjs (complete with cape.) Lots of snuggles and affection and crying because my toddlers were balls of pure energy and sweetnes, and because I was still clueless and exhausted and in need of adult interaction.
Elementary years trying to figure out if we should homeschool, if our children would have friends, would learn, would be happy, would be safe. Legos, Hot Wheels, Veggie Tales, and Beauty and the Beast. Trying to make sure we showed them Jesus, and the beauty of the world and science and art and good food and creating your own place in the world. Still crying and clueless, but exhaustion being replaced with pride in their independence (and fear of their independence.)
Middle school where hormones start kicking in, but bathing is not yet a voluntary activity. When they pull away and start exploring their own ideas and desires. No longer the primary confidant and learning to be a part, but apart as a parent. The drama, and grades and orchestra performances and school dances (The Macarana was big...) The cool clothes, skateboards, Hello Kitty earmuffs. Still clueless and crying.
High School watching them start to embrace their gifts, decide who they want to become, start looking at life beyond, and perhaps crossing some lines that perhaps should not have been crossed. Driving and dating and laughing a lot. Rainbow hair, or exceptionally long hair. Violins, upright bass and guitars. Some great choices in lifelong friends, and some who were more cautionary tales. Crying with and over them as they struggled to exit the cocoon.
And now, Katie is about to celebrate her 27th birthday, and 5th anniversary with Luke (whom we adore.) Living in (stupid) Maryland, in a lovely home with my two grand kitties. Working on whatever comes next (in addition to being a crochet machine.)
Mike is almost 23 and living in (stupid) Washington state, with Laura who is the best bonus daughter anyone could dream of, and who fits into our silly family perfectly. Also in a lovely home, but with two grand puppies. And also working on whatever comes next.
Nicholas is 20 and still home. I honestly hope he never moves out, since the others are so far away. He isn't sure what he wants to do next, but we have faith it will come to him soon. And in the meantime, he is a great cook and all the animals insist on being as close to him as possible.
So now I cry because I miss them so much, and love them dearly. I am still clueless but have learned that one of the big secrets of parenting is to simply love them hard. Whatever they do, where ever they go, whatever they believe or don't believe. And that is an easy thing to do. And also the hardest thing I've ever done.
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